Answers leading to more questions

I talked to Sid for the first time in what seems like forever. It felt good to talk to someone about my grandfather, someone on the outside, without a personal connection. It was, in essense just stating the obvious. As much as I've avoided going back home over the past few years, I'm gonna have to go back as much as I possibly can over the next few months. The time has come for me to face my fears and spend as much time as possible with Papa.

The question remains: What do I say to him? I was a teenager, I was gonna rebel about something, and he just happend to be in my path. By that rationale, I should be totally devoid of guilt over this, but seeing him face-to-face this weekend, The only words I couldn't say to him were the ones I needed to say the most. And the only time the words started to come out, he fell asleep on me. Ain't that about a bitch.

I told Sid about my lunch with Nicky, even thought there wasn't much discussed that Sid didn't already know.

At the end of the conversation, in a surprising change of subject, Sid asked me if I knew of any advertising jobs available in Tulsa. I told him the truth, that if there's ever a job open, there's usually a good reason why. I just left it at that.

For now, I'm gonna go to bed early tonight. That is, if Cody will shut the hell up. Got to get some sleep, got to stop thinking for the night.