The sky is falling

I've always had a bad relationship with gravity. One time, on my way to a job interview, I couldn't find a parking space remotely close to the office I needed to go to and I had to hoof it across a huge parking lot. It was in the middle of this parking lot that I had a bird crap on my shoulder. Wrong place, wrong time.

After a concert one night in Kansas City, I was walking back to my car, and took a detour into the woods to take a leak. It was really dark, so I didn't see the fifteen foot embankment until I had walked right off the edge of it. I broke my wrist and sprained my ankle.

I narrowly avoided death a couple years ago when an tree branch weighted down by an ice storm broke off and landed right in front of me. It didn't miss me entirely. The ends of the branch scratched the hell out of my right cheek and forehead.

Today, I was driving along the expressway...thinking happy thoughts...good music on the radio...then, all of a sudden, while going under an overpass, a big ass chunk of concrete fell from the bridge and came right through my windshield on the passenger side. I panicked, swerved, jumped the curb and scraped my car against light post.

And here, I was feeling kinda good with my situation in life.